3 Things to Remember as a Widower in the Midst of Grief

There was one thing that surprised me in that moment of losing Amy: discovering that joy and grief can coexist.

I still remember the day I first discovered it. My son and his family invited me to dinner (because, well, they are In fact cool people). When I went to their house, I crossed over Grieving – missing Amy, she wishes she was with me, she knows love An evening with his family. I teared up behind the steering wheel, a lot So That I would have to wait a few minutes for the storm to pass. Finally, I dried my eyes, pulled myself together, and went inside.

While we waited for dinner, I sat down to play Jenga with my happy granddaughter. Her eyes are emerald green—and Exactly Like her grandmother. I remember looking into her eyes and seeing Amy in them and not crying again. Then, suddenly, the Jenga tower fell, and a gleeful laugh escaped my granddaughter’s mouth.

I felt such joy.

Hearing that child’s laughter brought me so much joy, yet I felt a deep sadness at Amy’s death. All at once.

HuhI thought. It was unexpected.

The next day, I turned to the Bible to try to understand what had happened. I found this:

On the night before his crucifixion, Jesus said to his disciples, “I have told you this my happiness may be in you” (John 15:11, NIV, italics mine). About an hour later, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus said, “My spirit is here Crushed by grief till death” (Matthew 26:38NLT, italics mine).

Joy and sorrow, in one night, within minutes of each other—are entirely with the Son of God. This, I discovered, is why he could be a “Man of Sorrows” (Isaiah 53:3) and the fruit of His Spirit’s presence is “joy” (Galatians 5:22) As it is true for him, it may be true for me. This is for you.

So, no, you will never lose your precious, unique, irreplaceable wife. But you can experience joy even in the midst of sorrow. You can still laugh with your kids, enjoy a movie night with your friends, celebrate Christmas and Easter and every holiday in between because it really is true:

Joy and sorrow go together if you let them; You will find proof of it in your own soul.

Well, I think that’s enough for now. Remember, today you are more than you think, and tomorrow, if you listen, you will hear God whispering to you the same words He spoke to the Apostle Paul (and to me):

“My grace is sufficient for you.” (2 Corinthians 12:9NIV)

Sincerely, my friend,


related to:

How to Find Biblical Joy When You’re Grieving

Rediscovering purpose and happiness as a widow

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/PIKSEL

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